Larry king is effing nuts. i wish i could find video.. the reading of the transcript is making me laugh
KING: Before the program tonight Chef Ramsay and I gathered in the
break room off to our right. Well, you watch. One of my favorite foods
is bagels and lox and cream cheese. They put out a whole assortment. I
have no idea what this is, peas.
RAMSAY: They're called capers.
KING: Capers, green stuff here.
RAMSAY: Chives.
KING: Weird mustard.
RAMSAY: Really nice, wasabi mustard.
KING: Wasabi mustard. Here's how I make it. You take the bagel.
RAMSAY: Yes. We toasted it. See, already you screwed up. It stops it from going soggy.
KING: Correct. They should have tasted it. Is it big in Europe?
RAMSAY: Huge. Absolutely huge.
KING: It's very big here.
RAMSAY: Yeah. OK.
KING: I'm using a spoon because we don't have forks, CNN budget. And
then I put that down, and I take a piece of lox or whatever they call
it.
RAMSAY: OK. Smoked salmon from Scotland.
KING: Smoked salmon from Scotland, lox from down lower east side.
RAMSAY: OK. First of all, I'll never go to your house, just the way you
spread that cream cheese, it's so thin, that means you're mean. You're
really tight. You come around, you start crying when the string breaks,
you take the money out of the pot.
KING: I do not.
RAMSAY: Let me show you really quickly. Spread it on with a little
affection. It's a lot easier to go on, but show a little bit of
courtesy and have some fun with it and not be so tight.
KING: I'm not tight. I'm having an unusual moment.
RAMSAY: Trust me; you're as tight as a camel's bottom in a desert storm.
KING: What are you going to put on?
RAMSAY: Just kidding. First of all, some really nice chives.
KING: Chives.
RAMSAY: I'm not going to do anything with raw onion, not good for the breath, not good for the indigestion.
KING: Pass.
RAMSAY: Exactly. Small amount of tomato, lightly. And then from there,
some capers. But I'm going to drain the capers from that real horrible
solution. And look. And then with the salmon, let me get it around my
finger, twist, and just put it on. Because I like to think, if you come
to my house for dinner, you'd stay at least two or three hours. If I
was at yours, I'd be around for ten minutes. Hold on. We haven't
finished.
KING: You're ticking me off. In other words, you're saying it has to look good.
RAMSAY: And taste good.
KING: I'm like you, I spread cheese thin. You're going to gain weight.
RAMSAY: I'll burn it off later. You've got a little bit of cream cheese there.
KING: It would have been better toasted. That was fun. We made bagels, bagels are everywhere.
RAMSAY: Toast them, they won't get so soggy.